OK so maybe I am not ready for this...

I have wanted to deploy for so long and like the old saying goes..."Be careful what you ask for you just may get it". I am set to deploy October this year. It will be a month at mobilization station for a spat of training and then to the sandbox for ??? I thought I was ready for this mentally and physically. OK I got 1 out of 2. I am still physically prepared for this, mentally??? HELL NO! Talking about leaving your family for a year is one thing, planning for it still not so bad, but when it gets closer to time to actually go... That's hard as hell!

I mean, getting the paperwork so Mama Lang can be ready is fairly easy. Getting the house, car, Jeep, Boat, Motorcycle, lawn mower, heat/AC, and anything else that may break while I am gone is a bitch.

Mama Lang.. She is tops on my list of priorities to spend quality time alone with. She is my better half, my rock, my grounding. I rely on his for soooo many things. I can not fathom what it is going to be like not to hold her in my arms at night to make every bad in life to go away. I will be able to call, write, web cam, but NOTHING can compare to the felling of her in my arms and my arms around her.

At the same time I want to spend time with the kids.

The kids.... I love them I look forward to seeing them everyday even when I want to throw the teenager out the window. I will miss seeing their faces after they have learned some new and exciting at school that day. Monster starts school this year, I am going to take him to school his first day but I am going to miss all but a month of his first year in school. That really makes me sad. I am going to miss Bug's 10th grade and PB's 5th grade years. I was not into projects when I went to school but I really get into helping the kids with theirs now. I will get to chat with the kids via web cam, we have done this before but not for a year, not from so far away. I will miss them more than I could convey in words in the blog.

My mom and sister... (OK I can skip time with my bro in law he is a BUM and an idiot) are important to spend time with as well considering how close it has been to losing them both over the past few years. I will miss them but keep in contact with them as much as I can.

My sperm donor... He just had a heart attack and then had open heart surgery for a triple bypass and had his carotid artery cleaned out as well but I am really not inclined to spend a weekend to go see him, it would be nice but it is not something worth missing time with Mama and the kids. This may seem callous or insensitive but this is my blog and those are my feelings.

My home... Mama Lang and I waited a long time to buy our first house and we picked a winner. I will miss it from my man land (the garage & shed) to her craft area that I enjoy almost as much as she does. I know I will dream of taking a nap in the cool Autumn or Spring air in my hammock in the front yard under the cherry tree. Especially in the spring when it is covered in beautiful pink blossoms, when they fall off it looks like it have snowed pink!

My toys... The motorcycle, boat, tools. OK really I am going to miss these. I truly enjoy all of them. It is therapeutic to use/play with any of them...not as good as a hug from Mama of a group wresting match with the kids.

I am ready to go, I am just not ready to leave...